Friday, October 25, 2013

Dead Man Walking

Every year around this time, Forbes magazine releases their Top-Earning Dead Celebrity List.  This year's top 5 are:

Bob Marley
$18 million will buy a lot of Cheetos, mon.

Liz Taylor
$25 Million.  And not a penny from her 7 divorce settlements.

Charles Schulz
The Great Pumpkin has been good to his estate to the tune of $37 Million.

Elvis Presley
The King of Rock & Roll is still living...ummm...large.  $55 Million.

Michael Jackson
$160 Million. Mike not only tops dead celebs, he was the highest money-making celeb PERIOD.
(Bubbles the Chimp declined an interview.)


1 oz        Jack Daniels
1 oz        Jagermeister
1 oz        Tequila
In a large shot glass, combine the Jack & Jager
In a separate glass, pour the shot of tequila
Shoot the first one
Chase with tequila

Friday, October 18, 2013

Frozen Yeti

As I am one of the world's foremost cryptozoologists*, I found this week's news that the mystery of the Yeti has been solved extremely intriguing.

*citation needed

It appears our abominable snowman friend was the lovechild of an ancient polar bear & an ancestor of the Himalayan regions brown bear.

"I see a white babe just below me."

Send these two lovebirds to dinner for some nice raw salmon steaks with baby seal eye tartar and a little "hibernation" time, and what do you get a few months later?

Mystery solved.


1 oz        Blue Curacao
1 oz        Orange Rum
1 oz        Triple Sec
1 oz        Raspberry Vodka
4 oz        Grapefruit Juice
3 cups    Ice
Put all ingredients into a blender & blend until smooth
Serves 2

Friday, October 11, 2013

Kori's Saturday Night Special

October 11, 1975 saw the very first broadcast of Saturday Night Live, the longest-running sketch comedy show in history.  SNL launched the careers of several very famous actors, including:
  • Adam Sandler
  • Chris Rock
  • Eddie Murphy
  • Tina Fey
  • Will Ferrell
  • Dan Akroyd
  • Bill Murray
  • Mike Myers
  • Chevy Chase
  • Kristen Wiig
As a matter-of-fact, Joan Cusack, Billy Crystal, and Iron Man himself each spent a year honing their comedic edges on Saturday Night Live.

I'd like to express a sincere R.I.P. to one particular episode's host and the recurring star that appeared with him in perhaps the greatest SNL skit of all time:

1    oz        Banana Liqueur
1    oz        Coconut Rum

1/2 oz        Dark Rum

1   scoop   Vanilla Ice Cream

Put all ingredients into a blender
Blend until smooth (if it's too thick, just add a little milk or cream)
Pour into a chilled glass mug
Top it off with a cherry

I have no idea who "Kori" is, but I do know that Jane is an ignorant slut.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Washington Cocktail

As we are all aware by now, the U.S. Federal Government in Washington, D.C. has been shut down since last Thursday

But where is the panic?
The chaos?
Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies?
Rivers and seas boiling?
Forty years of darkness?
Earthquakes, volcanoes?
The dead rising from the grave?
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria?

Well, if you ask me, that's because the overwhelming majority of Americans don't really need the 535 jerks in Congress, 9 jerks on the Supreme Court, 2 jerks in the White House, and the untold army of  bureaucratic jerks in Washington D.C. telling them what to do and how to live to be able to make it through the day.  We can wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, have dinner, brush our teeth and go to bed without ever giving a passing thought to any of the politically-charged crap those idiots think is so important.


 Black-Robed Jerks.

The dirty secret to this whole "shutdown" thing is that it's not really a shutdown.  Any part of the U.S. Government considered "essential" is still fully functional.  Which begs the question: "If there are non-essential functions that we can do without while the jerks in Congress are having their petty squabbles, then why the hell are those same jerks spending OUR money on these things in the first place?"

Oh, yeah.  One other thing about the Washington, D.C. "shutdown"...
Congress still gets paid.

Screwing-The-Little-People-While-Collecting-Their-Fat-Paycheck Jerks.

I swear, it's almost enough to drive you to drinking.


1.5     oz        Dry Vermouth
.75     oz        Cognac
1        dash    Bitters

1        dash    Simple Syrup

Add all ingredients to a mixing glass with ice
Strain into a chilled cocktail (martini) glass

"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."
---Mark Twain