Bloody Mary

Per request.

The Bloody Mary is perhaps the world's most complex cocktail.  While I have my own favored recipe below (your mileage may vary), it should always be made to order to the specific spicy vs savory preference of the potential drinker.

Many people take this drink as their "hair of the dog".  Medical professionals will tell you that the only true ways to cure a hangover are:

1. Avoid them
2. Water, rest, and electrolytes

But how boring is that?  A brunch cocktail seems like a much more fun option.

As far as the name goes, the most popularly accepted origin is that it is in honor (dishonor?) of Queen Mary I of England, who had almost 300 religious dissenters executed during her reign.

Maybe it should be called a Hottie Mary.  Rawr!

Legend has it that if you say her name to a mirror three times in a darkened room, then turn on the lights, you'll get a surprise.

 

Pictured above: Surprise!

BLOODY MARY

2     oz     Absolut Peppar Vodka
4     oz     Tomato Juice
1     oz     Worches, wortches, whorchesthri, LEA & PERRINS SAUCE
1/2  oz     Lemon Juice
4     dashes  Frank's RedHot Sauce
Celery

Fill highball (or regular 12 oz drinking glass) 3/4 with ice, set to the side
In a mixing glass add all of the liquids
Pour into the glass with ice
Ganish with celery sticks and a lemon wedge

Rock Star Root Beer

As we all know, rock stars are all about consuming root beer.  As opposed to real beer, vodka, weed, meth, cocaine, heroin, barbs, quaaludes, some other bad medicine, or similar poison.

I'll ask for a little patience on this one.  I try not to get too crazy with the exotic ingredients for these, but here I go again with a weird concoction.  I know most people just aren't going to spend the money on a huge liquor cabinet and go round and round to stores trying to find the right bottle. Instead, I try to find drinks that will be easy to make, or fun to experiment with, or will kickstart your heart.

If you are looking for a syrupy drink, then look no further - this is it.  But if you want it sweeter, you could always pour some sugar.  If you have a few too many and spill one on the counter, don't let it go to waste - try to lick it up. 

ROCK STAR ROOT BEER

1     oz     Root Beer Vodka
1     oz     Vanilla Vodka
4     oz     Ginger Ale
Cherry

Fill highball (or regular 12 oz drinking glass) 3/4 with ice
Pour the vodkas
Stir
Fill with ginger ale
Stir gently
Garnish with a cherry


Sorry Mike, but I just couldn't figure out a creative way to wedge in Don Dokken or Kip Winger.  You have my apologies, sir.

Test Tube Baby

Louise Joy Brown, age 35, is now pregnant with her second child.

I know what you are thinking.  Or at least I can narrow it down to a few possibilities:

• Who the hell is Louise Joy Brown?
• Why do I care that she's pregnant?
• Again?
• What's so special about her?

That last question I can answer.  35 years ago, Louise Joy Brown was the first "test tube" baby.
She was conceived via artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization. IVF is the process in which an egg is removed from a woman's ovaries, harvested and fertilized with a male's sperm in a laboratory, then implanted in the woman's uterus where it develops to term. 
All this is done without the male ever having to even see, much less touch, the female body.

In a totally unrelated story, Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe gave testimony yesterday describing the pop star's desire for children and how she broke the news to him that she was pregnant.
"Although Rowe described many personal details about her relationship, she did not address how the children were conceived."

Theories anyone?

TEST TUBE BABY



1  oz        Tequila

1  oz        Amaretto

3  drops   Half & Half

Pour liquors into a shot glass
Add 3 drops of half & half

 

Affair

I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, at the news that Lamar Odom was cheating on Khloe.  A professional athlete (except for, you know, when he was a Dallas Maverick) being unfaithful?  Who ever heard of such nonsense?  And to betray someone as classy as Khloe?  She's a Kardashian, for crying out loud.  That name is practically synonymous with wholesome.

Besides that, they are both celebrities.  If they got married, it had to be true love, right?    If they can't make it together, then who can?  Is there nothing sacred in this world any more?

Well, maybe when this is all over and the media dust settles, perhaps good ol' Lamar can find happiness in the arms of the one person that will return a passionate, unconditional love...

AFFAIR

2     oz     Strawberry Schnapps
2     oz     Orange Juice
2     oz     Cranberry Juice
Club Soda 

Fill highball (or regular 12 oz drinking glass) 3/4 with ice
Add schnapps, orange juice and cranberry juice
Stir
Fill with club soda
Stir gently

Galveston, oh Galveston...

No drink today.  Well, no recipe anyway.  I for one will be HAVING plenty of cocktails if that's any consolation...