Friday, December 27, 2013

Holiday Relief

Christmas and all of its various over-indulgences is over.  Time to give your system a break to prep for New Year's Eve.  If you are struggling, here's some extra helpers:

Just make sure you read the box carefully on that last one as accidents do happen.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Rudolph's Tipsy Spritzer

Ah, the joys of Christmas. 
There's holiday lights, trees, gift buying, gift giving, constant assault by charities, piles and piles of junk mail, standing in line 2.5 hours to pay $40 for a grainy 5x7 of your child's terrified expression while sitting on a fat man's lap, wondering just how firm the figure in the "agreed upon amount" of your spouse's gift is, Christmas carols, outrageous traffic, holiday parties, hangovers, and seasonal movies. 

That last category is where I'll do my lazy tie-in for this week.  
And who doesn't enjoy the story of Rudolph, the social outcast who rises up to the moment to save Christmas through sheer force of will and genetic abnormality? 

Well, OK, so he had some help from an effeminate elf that doesn't share the same interests as the other male elves.
Oops, sorry.  Wrong image.
But, as good, classic and timeless as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is, it not the best Christmas movie.

This one is.


1.5     oz  Vodka
5        oz  Orange Juice
2        oz  7-Up
1/2     oz  Grenadine
1/4     oz  Lemon Juice

In a mixing glass with ice combine vodka, OJ, grenadine and lemon juice
Add 7-Up
Stir gently
Pour into a rocks glass filled with ice Garnish with lemon wedge

 Ho Ho Ho!

Friday, December 13, 2013

Comfort Mocha

Those of us in the DFW area just recently survived (*cue ominous music*)

It was a harrowing experience to suffer our way through such horrible circumstances like:
But perhaps worst of all was having the children. 
Trapped in the house. 
For 4 days. 
With nothing to do.
Nothing to do.
There's nothing to do.

After that an adult need something warm and comforting.


1.5     oz  Southern Comfort
6        oz  Coffee
1       tsp  Instant Cocoa

Whipped Cream

Pour one shot of Southern Comfort into an 8 oz coffee cup
Add coffee and cocoa mix
Top with whipped cream

Friday, December 6, 2013

Cup of Cheer

A very good friend of our family was hosting a holiday party and asked me to come up with a festive cocktail.  Pictured above is the result.  It took a while to get the flavor just right.  Which meant there was testing.  

Lots & lots of testing.  *hic*

Unfortunately, I didn't have a good name for this libation prior to said event (sorry, Jennifer).  But since it is December and Christmas carols are playing on the radio, I was inspired by a song by the late, great Burl Ives.
Or, as anyone born after 1960 knows him:
Here's a little trivia about Mr. Ives for my fellow scifi geeks out there - Burl was the narrator for the BEST Star Wars movie never to make it to the big screen.***


1/2     oz  Vodka
1        oz  Cointreau (or Triple Sec)
1        oz  Orange Juice
1     dash  Bitters
2     dash  Ground Cinnamon

Add all 3 ingredients to a martini shaker 1/2 full of ice
Shake vigorously
Strain into a rocks glass filled with ice

Garnish with cinnamon stick and orange wheel

***AFAIK, there are only 2 movies that qualify for that distinction and the other one really sucked

Friday, November 22, 2013

Caramel Appletini

Apples are a "super food".  We all know the saying "an apple a day keeps the doctor away", but is it really true?  Well, apples are a powerful source of antioxidants, including polyphenols, flavonoids, and vitamin C, as well as good source of fiber, and potassium. There are only 47 calories in an average sized apple.  Those are some pretty good stats for one little fruit.

But how can we make the healthy old apple even better?

Yeah, that's a little bit of an improvement.  Got anything else?

NOW we're getting somewhere!

1        oz  Apple Schnapps
1        oz  Butterscotch Schnapps 
1        oz  Vodka

Add all 3 ingredients to a martini shake 1/2 full of ice
Shake vigorously
Strain into a chilled cocktail (martini) glass

One more thing about Apple...


Friday, November 8, 2013

Black Beard

Ladies, have you noticed that the men in your life have been neglecting the razor lately?
Guys, have you been working on your 'stache, goatee, or Grizzly Adams the past week?

It may be that you, or someone you know is involved with the charities No Shave November or Movember.  Each year, millions of men grow out their facial hair during the month of November to raise awareness and funds for the fights against prostate and testicular cancers.

It's kinda like Breast Cancer Awareness Month...without the boobies.

Coinciding with these charitable events is the Beard World Championships in Leinfelden-Echterdingen, Germany, where more than 300 people from around the world face off in different mustache and beard competitions.


Facial hair is great if you want to look daring, dashing, dastardly, or devilish.


2      oz       Rum
1/2   can     Guinness Stout

In a chilled pint glass add rum and Guinness
Stir gently
Fill with cola

If you are rocking the facial hair, be careful with your drinks.  Otherwise you'll look like James Harden after a game:
The "3" is for how many ounces of sweat he can wring out of that thing.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Jolly Rancher

The day after Halloween. 

Parents, has your kid's sugar rush ended yet? 
Singles, did you have a good time dressing up to go out?
Marrieds, no kids - did you come home to an empty bowl on your front porch that was once loaded with candy and a sign that said "Please take ONE" (yeah, right)?

Halloween is kind of a weird holiday once you age beyond the "Trick or Treat" phase.  'Course, that expiration age seems to have gotten quite a bit older in recent years.  One of the zombies that came to our door this year had a very realistic cut on his face...presumably from his razor.  Let's just be brutally honest here, when you reach a certain age it's time to stop dressing up on Halloween** and going door to door to beg for candy.

On the candy subject, make sure you are giving out sweets that are NOT CRAP.  Anything chocolate is good: Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers, Butterfinger, Heath bars, hell even Almond Joy or Mounds.  People that say they don't like coconut are lying, they don't dislike the taste, just the consistency (NSFW). 
Twizzlers, Laffy Taffy, and various suckers are all OK.

Peppermints, while good after a meal, suck as Halloween candy.
Individually-wrapped Life Savers is just a cheap way to give out a lot.  Quality > Quantity.
Candy Corn is awful.
Dubble Bubble you can get away with.  It might be cheap, but at least it's gum.
Or you can always go with a time-tested standby.  The Jolly Rancher.

Now that you're too old to dress up**, let's look at the booze version of same.


1.5 oz     Melon Liqueur
.5   oz     Blueberry Schnapps
2    oz     Sweet & Sour
Splash    Grenadine

Shake melon liqueur and blueberry schnapps over ice
Strain in to a rocks glass 1/2 filled with ice
Top with sweet & sour
Add a splash of grenadine

**OK, so I'm a hypocrite.  
And before you ask, yes, it was cold outside in that tank top... 


Friday, October 25, 2013

Dead Man Walking

Every year around this time, Forbes magazine releases their Top-Earning Dead Celebrity List.  This year's top 5 are:

Bob Marley
$18 million will buy a lot of Cheetos, mon.

Liz Taylor
$25 Million.  And not a penny from her 7 divorce settlements.

Charles Schulz
The Great Pumpkin has been good to his estate to the tune of $37 Million.

Elvis Presley
The King of Rock & Roll is still living...ummm...large.  $55 Million.

Michael Jackson
$160 Million. Mike not only tops dead celebs, he was the highest money-making celeb PERIOD.
(Bubbles the Chimp declined an interview.)


1 oz        Jack Daniels
1 oz        Jagermeister
1 oz        Tequila
In a large shot glass, combine the Jack & Jager
In a separate glass, pour the shot of tequila
Shoot the first one
Chase with tequila

Friday, October 18, 2013

Frozen Yeti

As I am one of the world's foremost cryptozoologists*, I found this week's news that the mystery of the Yeti has been solved extremely intriguing.

*citation needed

It appears our abominable snowman friend was the lovechild of an ancient polar bear & an ancestor of the Himalayan regions brown bear.

"I see a white babe just below me."

Send these two lovebirds to dinner for some nice raw salmon steaks with baby seal eye tartar and a little "hibernation" time, and what do you get a few months later?

Mystery solved.


1 oz        Blue Curacao
1 oz        Orange Rum
1 oz        Triple Sec
1 oz        Raspberry Vodka
4 oz        Grapefruit Juice
3 cups    Ice
Put all ingredients into a blender & blend until smooth
Serves 2