Friday, May 23, 2014

The Long Weekend

Hi everyone.  I'm back from a self-imposed hiatus.  Just in time for a long weekend.  Which was, of course, the inspiration for this cocktail.  Since we absolutely intend to open the pool and relax over the next 3 days, I wanted something original to sip out in the sun.  So I used my favorite rum, my current favorite beer (and if you haven't tried Franconia's excellent products, then you are missing out on some truly fine local craft brews - made right in McKinney TX), a mixer that most people actually have in their fridge (please excuse my slightly-out-of-date, almost depleted product in the pic), and a summer citrus fruit. Also, I got a little fancy this time and used a 10 oz goblet in order to get a better presentation.  The really shocking thing is that I nailed this recipe on the first try.  Usually with my original cocktails I have "tasted" so many failed attempts that the final one I go with is simply because I'm too inebriated to keep trying.  

With no further ado, I submit to you the...


1.5    oz       Spiced Rum
2       oz       Orange Juice
4       oz       Wheat Beer (definitely needs to be a wheat - Blue Moon is a brand at most grocers)
squeeze      Lemon

Fill a 10-oz glass 3/4 with ice
Add rum, OJ and squeeze of lemon wedge

Fill with wheat beer

Stir gently

Garnish with another lemon wedge

Long weekends are great, but let's all be responsible, please.

Friday, March 21, 2014


No pithy dialogue today.  No current events comments.  No meandering rabbit-trails of thought.  Just a simple, easy, tasty, change-of-pace cocktail.

MEXICOLA (aka Claudio's Tequila)

2      oz       Tequila
4      oz       Coca-Cola
squeeze      lime

Fill a collins glass (or regular 12-oz drinking) 3/4 with ice

Add tequila and squeeze 1/6 lime wedge

Fill with cola

Stir gently


Friday, March 14, 2014

Whiskey Punch

I'm not Irish.

Now that I've summarily dismissed another upcoming fake holiday, let's get into something more noteworthy.  Spring is almost here.  That means playoff basketball, baseball is right around the corner, kiddo soccer is in full effect, fishing starts getting good, the pool is almost warm enough, and spending time in the evenings on the patio with friends no longer requires parkas.  But what to drink?

Beer is the easy answer for guys.  Wine is fine...for the ladies.  However, I suggest a nice punch.

No, not one like this:

If you are a contemporary of mine, your days of partying at the Pike house have long since passed.  We need something a bit more sophisticated.  

Something for adults, not hormone-driven teens.
Something that does not use evil liquor that doubles as paint thinner or engine degreaser.

2        oz  Whiskey
1/2     oz  Cointreau
1        oz  Orange Juice
4        oz  Ginger Ale
1/2     oz  Lemon Juice
1              Maraschino Cherry

Pour everything into a rocks glass 3/4 filled with ice

Garnish with a cherry

That is how you make ONE of these.  

Having a group over?  That's easy.  Just change "oz" to "cups".  That will give you enough for 8 servings.  Increase as necessary.

And remember, Everclear is Evil.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Friday, February 21, 2014

Island Survival

If you've been following the story of Jose Salvador Alvarenga, you'll know the man survived 14 months adrift at sea in a small fishing boat.  How?  According to him, he ate (raw) birds, fish and turtles that he caught with his own hands. He quenched his thirst with rainwater and sometimes his own urine.

No, this week's cocktail does not include any of those ingredients.

I have a minor obsession with survival tales.  I like the details about endurance.  The ingenuity of the mind when pushed to its limits.  The stories of what was consumed because it HAD to be. The triumph of the human will to live against all odds.

I think this dude is very cool:

And while my wife thinks his table manners suck, Les Stroud is awesome, too:

Reading and watching this kind of stuff has always made me wonder what it would be like (though not enough to actually go try it - I like clean water, fresh food, modern medicine, air conditioning and not having parasites). If I was going to be stranded anywhere in the world, miles from civilization and rescue, give me the tropical island.  Aside from the legitimate heat and sunburn concerns, it just seems like it would be an easier place to make your way in the food & drink department since you'd have a better than -0- chance of finding coconuts, bananas and pineapples.  Which inspired the creation of today's cocktail:


1        oz     Coconut Rum
1.5     oz     Banana Liqueur
2        oz     Pineapple Juice

Pour ingredients into a rocks glass filled with ice

Friday, February 14, 2014

My Bloody Valentine

The absolute worst of the Hallmark® Holidays is upon us:  Valentine's Day.
It's the day your kids expect chocolates at home.
Your wife expects flowers at work.
Your mistress expects a fancy dinner.
But your girlfriend expects one, too.
Your mistress finds out about your girlfriend and goes crazy.
Your wife finds out about both of them via your mistress going crazy and takes the kids (and the chocolates, flowers, car, house, savings & checking, 401K, and your soul).
Who thought this day was a good idea?

While there are many competing stories about the life & times (and martyrdom) of St. Valentine, patron saint of courtly love, the most well-known and celebrated is most likely a complete fabrication on the part of the 14th Century English poet Geoffrey Chaucer (known best - pop culture wise - for his portrayal by Paul Bettany in this film).

How appropriate!  A fake holiday based on a fictional character. 
Seriously, this "holiday" is about as real as the 3D effects in this movie:


1.5 oz         Myer's Rum
1/2              Blood Orange (juiced)
1/2 oz         Grenadine

Pour ingredients into a rocks glass filled with ice
Stir well

Happy Valentine's Day (you fakers)!


Friday, February 7, 2014

Black Russian

The Winter Olympics officially begin today in Sochi, Russia.  Even though we haven't yet seen the opening ceremony, there are a host of problems already making headlines like: hotels not being finished, a pillow shortage, undrinkable water, stray dogs being shot down or poisoned in the street, corruption, questionable hospitality and ungodly expenses.

The lack of preparation reached such farcical levels that journalists were tweeting photos of some of the more comical warnings they had seen in their hotels:

Needless to say, this is not doing any favors for the reputation of the one man that is most visible in this fiasco - that being the Russian President himself:

Vladimir Putin


1.5 oz          Vodka
.5 oz            Kahlua

Pour ingredients into a rocks glass filled with ice

Давайте поднимем бокалы…

Friday, January 31, 2014

Merit Badge

It's Girl Scout Cookie time!
By now you are bound to have been accosted by one of the adorable sash/vest wearing little urchins.  And if you haven't given up 4 bucks for one of their over-priced boxes of baked goodness, then stop reading my blog right now.
Not because this drink involves same cookies; but because you have no soul.

I first considered naming this drink The Frozen Grasshopper.  Why?  Because Keebler™ Grasshoppers are the same thing as Girl Scout Thin Mints.  Now, before anyone gets all hysterical like some of the other crazies on the internet that gnash their teeth and scream like banshees "GAHH!!!  Evil corporation is ripping off the Girl Scouts!!!!11!!!", there's one very important point that is missing here:

Little Brownie Bakers (aka Girl Scout Cookies) is a division of the Keebler Company.

What, you mean that internet morons sometimes tee off with emotional rants on issues without any type of due diligence or fact-checking?

Anyway, I didn't name it "grasshopper" because those cocktails typically include Creme de Menthe.  And really (besides me) who keeps a bottle of Creme de Menthe at home?  Hence why I called it...


1.5 oz          Kahlua
.5 oz            Vodka
2 scoops     Vanilla Ice Cream
4 cookies    Girl Scout Thin Mints***

Add all ingredients to a blender 
Blend until smooth

***If you don't have any in your stash, then shoot me an email.  I have a connection, man. 

Friday, January 10, 2014

Naked Twister

Twister is a great game*.  For a while, we used it in our house to settle disputes between our two daughters.  Unfortunately they both wised up pretty quickly and realized it's more fun to bicker endlessly than to be Twisted Sisters. (hell yes I made that reference...)

*for completely sober people under the age of 28, between 3'9" and 5'2", with no history of joint problems, muscle contusions, dementia, dizziness, or chronic flatulence.  Consult with your doctor before playing Twister.  Side effects can include: soreness, bruises, lacerations, tooth loss, concussions, and ACL tears.  If you have a game of Twister that lasts more than 4 hours, contact a psychologist for help or a circus contortionist for a new career

Since a Twister is also a tornado, don't confuse this drink with a Hurricane.  None of the ingredients are the same. 

If you drink too many and think you are seeing double, don't worry, it's the same cow.


1        oz  Melon Liqueur
1/2     oz  Vodka
1/2     oz  Tuaca
4        oz  Pineapple Juice
1        oz  7-Up

Add all 3 liquors and pineapple juice to a martini shaker 1/2 full of ice
Shake vigorously
Strain into a pint glass filled with ice

Fill with 7-Up
Stir gently
Garnish with pineapple ring and cherry

Yes, it appears that there's another part of the name of this drink that I completely ignored.  Please note that I said "appears".  Not only does my wife try these drinks before I post them, but she proof-reads and edits some of my posts.  Please feel free to add any "Naked" references you like in the Comments section below.